zhhou

2009-09-29T22:38:00.003+08:00

A whole new beginning~!

this relationship is getting stronger as time goes by.
there were ups and downs.

and even on the verge of breaking up.
no matter how tough it is.
we'll never let go of this relationship.

for the love that we have.

i noe there are somethings that can't be forgotten.
all i can ask for is try ur best.
know wad u wan.
go for it.

wads past is past.
wad we do now is to treasure the present.
cherish every single moment that we get to spent.
look forward to the future.
and plan for it.

i believe!

label: love is to see perfection in imperfection! quote by her.

2009-09-22T01:39:00.002+08:00

After wad has happened,
i'm happy to hear the decision she made.

i noe i'm being selfish..
i'm just scared..
not that i dun trust nor believe..
i'm just insecure and does not have the confident to do so.

ever since that day,
i have been cherishing every moment that we spent.
keeping those moments in my mind..
everytime she is doing her work.
i'll be looking at her.
my heart just aches.
tears just wanna burst out.
wondering how long can we last.
i wan it to last forever.
but will we fall apart?
mayb not now.
but how about in the future?

i'm just so afraid to face the future.
not knowing what is gonna happen.

After i watched UP at her house while she was studying.
saw how loving the old man and his wife.
makes me feel like seeing me and her having that kind of life.
so old, yet the love is strong.

i'm just living everyday in fear.
fear of being broken apart.
fear of losing her.

the fear is too big for me to take it.
its devouring me.

this fear makes me realised how madly, deeply i am in love with her.
i noe i can't ask for more.
but to cherish every moment we spent.

i'm just too simple.
all i ask for is to be some one important/ special to you.
some one u can rely on.

ps: dui bu qi! shi wo tai ai ni le..

Label: Ignorance is a bliss. Cherishing is being true.

2009-09-16T02:29:00.000+08:00

曲名：爱一直存在

那天我扬起帆
想看看未知的海
心里很多话想说说不出来
虽然我脸上看不出来
天空一样蔚蓝却换了多少云彩
那时的你让我幸福百分百
是否为我等待
我知道我的爱一直都会存在
没有你泪停不下来
你知道我依赖多不想say googbye
我痛说不出来
我知道我的爱一直都会存在
没有你快乐都停摆
某一天我期待和你笑的灿烂
回头看爱都在
站在你的门外我却幸福在徘徊
心里很多话想说说不出来
但我想你一定都明白
时间过的好快
想念却不曾更改
现在的你是否幸福百分百
我应该怎么猜
我知道我的爱一直都会存在
没有你泪停不下来
你知道我依赖多不想say googbye
我痛说不出来
我知道我的爱一直都会存在
没有你快乐都停摆
某一天我期待和你笑的灿烂
回头看爱都在
我知道我的爱一直都会存在
没有你泪停不下来
你知道我依赖多不想say googbye
我痛说不出来
我知道我的爱一直都会存在
没有你快乐都停摆
某一天我期待和你笑的灿烂
回头看爱都在
爱一直存在

2009-09-16T02:18:00.002+08:00

Alright, its been a long time since i last update!

i had a nightmare last night..
i woke up in tears..
i dreamt that she left me because she still can't forget him...
seeing her back view getting smaller,
our distance getting further..
that fear,
that pain..
is unbearable....
seems like i watch too much of ming zhong zhu ding wo ai ni..
while watching,
i cried..
not because of the show..
is because of wat is happening to us.

i admit..
i mind that she still can't forget him..
or tend to think of him..
although i hope it will not affect us..

but sometime i will think of it..
i keep trying to convince myself that she will get over him..
things will get better in time..

i may be the only one that loves her more than her ex..
but i noe..
i'll never be the guy that she love the most..
or should i say..
more than her ex..

the shadow of him is a fear of mine....
i've got nothing else to say or do...
but i keep telling myself that..
if she really love me.
she will forget him..

ps: all these while, that is the only thing i have been wishing and hoping for....
Label: i believe it will get better in time...

2009-09-08T21:17:00.001+08:00

there is nothing i can do any more...
i tried very hard....
but i failed...
and i'm getting tired....
starting to lose grip...

WHY????

2009-09-05T23:37:00.005+08:00

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!

First of all, Thanks to all my Brothers, Sisters and friends for wishing me Happy Birthday!!!
Secondly, Thanks to Ah Meng, Edmund Leow & Zhuo Hong for the mahjong session and the cake!
Last but not Least, A Special Thanks to my Dearest gf for celebrating my birthday in advance and the present and card! i Love it a lot! =D

4th Sept 09
After knocking off from work at 5.30 pm,
headed to baby's house to put my stuff.
waited for her to prepare then we headed to amk hub.
in the first place,
we planned to catch a movie after dinner,
but she wasn't happy as she screwed her econs prelim paper.
so we had dinner at New York New York,
the serving was okay,
just that the queue was quite long,
so i went bought a boneless thigh chicken for a light snack.
baby hurt her lips,
so can't eat any thing that is not a mouthful size,
so when there is a table for us,
we had our order,
i couldn't finish my food,
so i was bloated already,
can't stop burping,
i noe its a disgrace,
i'm sorry baby!
after we our dinner,
there was time for us to catch a movie,
so in the end we proceed with wad we had planned earlier,
we went to watch THE PROPOSAL!
it was funny and romantic love story!
hahas..
baby cried while watching it! =X
oops,
she gonna kill me if she see this.
after movie,
headed to her house,
took my stuff and head for home..
couldn't receive a goodbye kiss as she is having ulcer on her lips.
poor baby!
it will have to take a few weeks to recover.
that means no kissing for a few weeks =(
fyi, her kiss is my sweetest addiction!
hahas.. XD

5th sept 09
Afternoon went to zhuo hong's hse for mahjong session,
at first we only had 3 person,
then Ah Meng came,
Thanks Ah Meng for the cake!
after Ah Meng came,
we gambled with the rate of 5cents to 10 cents.
lost 50 cents before edmund's friend take over.
hahas.
after that head to sch for the praying of 7th month.
after praying,
headed for home le..
received quite a lot of wishes from my friends,
was quite surprised that some remembered.
hahas.. XD
my dearest sister wished me when i just came online.
chatted with her for awhile,
its been a long time since we last chat..
hahas..

Alright here are some outdated photos.

This is what baby gave me for my birthday! =D
She knows that i need a bottle! and she got me one! *smile*

A close up on the card that she made for my birthday!

This is the card that she made for me on Valentine's day! my first that i received from her! XD

Our 1st Monthsary!

Our 3rd Monthsary!
ps: she din manage to make for our 2nd Monthsary as she is busy with her studies!

Our 4th Monthsary!

A collection of the cards that she made for me! XD

Baby! ur my greatest gift that god has gave me.
For birthday, christmas, valentine's day.
and even EVERYDAY!
Thanks for spending ur time to celebrate my birthday!
i appreciate it a lot!
Loves!

Label: you're the only addiction that rehab can't cure!

2009-08-29T01:34:00.002+08:00

*sigh*

the problem will always be there...
there will never be a future,
when the problem exist.
however,
there is no solution....
only determination..

whenever i tink of the problem..
my heart just aches like there is no tomorrow.

Mayb,
i'll never get to see tomorrow...

Label: Tired.. i tried so hard... soooo hard..

2009-08-26T10:03:00.002+08:00

gosh..
i noe i have been letting this blog rot for quite awhile..
bud i'm gonna post today..
why??
cause its a special day~

its OUR 4th Monthsary~~~
there is more to come..
and we're still counting..

there has been a lil prob lately.
i shall not elaborate much..

bud what i can say to her is..

No matter wad it is..
i'll never end this relationship...
i've put all my heart and soul in it..
i'm not gonna see this fall..

at the same time,
you have to do ur part to..
u should noe what i'm referring to..

and i hope,
nothing will change nor will it affect us.
and also the love u have for me will grow deeper..
thats all i wished and hoped for..

baby,
all these while,
i'm still loving u deeply..
i'll always stay by ur side..
till death do us part..
and i swear i mean it..

Label: One Mountain Can't Contain 2 Tigers.

2009-08-14T11:52:00.002+08:00

looks like i've gotta find things to do during holiday..
some thing to distract my mind...
knowing the fact that she is gonna be busy with her studies..
so i guess after the end of attachment i have to find a part time job..
and when sch starts,
i probably would have to take up part time job on weekend.
to have an income.

i'm starting to get tired of everything.
i'm exhausted..
gonna collapse any time..

2009-08-12T09:15:00.002+08:00

When you are about to give up on something, think of this: Pain is Temporary, Failure is Forever. A marathon is only 5 hours; the glory in completing it is more than 50 years. A Final Year Project is only 6 months; the portfolio is worth more than 60 years. A pregnancy is only 9 months; the lifespan of a life is 90 years. So if you’re in the midst of something painful now, it is just temporary. Giving up is forever.

i've got this quote from Low Kay Hwa.
a writer for goodybook,
which i just bought 5 books from them.
this quote is quite meaningful.

it just something that i wanna tell her.
baby,
endure for another 4 months.
i noe ur feeling stressed by all the work and exams that u have.
just try ur best!
dun give up!
endure this pain,
it will be over soon,
suffer now is better than suffer later.
efforts now,
rewards tomorrow.
JIAYOU!!!

2009-08-06T10:52:00.001+08:00

Right now,
i'm working..
bud i had nothing to do.
so i went to Goody books to find something to read.
I came upon this book "To Forget You"
it's something similar to what she went through in the past.

while reading.
things just starts flashing into my mind.
memories.

the story is about a couple who broke up despite being tgt for 7 and a half years.
i could only read 5 chapters as it only show the preview of the book.

what came into my mind was..
what if..
one day we were to be seperated..
what will happened to us?
its an ending which i hope and pray that our story will not end up with.

then what came next was,
last night,
after we hang up,
while trying to keep myself wake till 1.30 to give u a wake up call.
i read through those cards that u made,
the messages that i saved.

those moments that we shared.
the ups and downs that we faced.
the scenes of the first time we met.
some vivid memory of those msges that we sent after the first time we met.
then those surprises that u gave by popping out of no where to visit me while i'm working.
those mistakes that i made,
the time we spent.
the feeling of our first kiss.
the feeling of being drunk by ur kisses and hugs.
everything just flashes through my mind.

at that point of time,
u had much more time to spare than now.
those were the times that i would carve a silly smile on my face whenever i received and read ur msges.
its not that now i wun.
bud its not as much as before.

i'm just so afraid that time will break us apart.

i noe u dun have the time now.
i understand.
thats why i dun expect any thing.
i'll do whatever i can to help you.
to cheer u up.
to encourage u.
though those encouragement i gave is being repeated.
i really duno what else i can do or say.
if you see this.
i noe what ur gonna say.
u wan me dun say anything..
just wan my understanding,
which u already have.

i noe ur tired from studying,
and i'm also tired after a long day of work.
trying to make extra effort to wake u up.
but i always failed to do so.
either i fell asleep,
if not i do things until i forgot about the time.

when ur stress,
i could only prove u with my listening ears.
seeing u so stress up,
it hurts me to see u like this.
every night before i sleep,
i mean when those times that i din fall asleep.
although almost every night i fall asleep,
i image of u being stressed up,
my heart will ache so painfully that tears roll down.
feeling so worthless,
so useless.
the feeling of how a handicap person will feel.

i'm sorry.
i noe that ur tired of hearing this.
and also tired of me thinking negatively.
bud all i wan to say is.
thats the way i'm born to be.
i did tried to stop thinking negatively,
although it succeed.
bud after awhile,
it just come back again.
in this case,
u shouldn't be upset or show me attitude.
cause u have to accept that fact that i'm like that.

yes.
like what u have said in the card,
sometimes i do dun like ur attitude.
bud what can i do.
bud to accept it.
cause ur the one that i love.
loving someone is not about changing them.
bud to accept them for who they are.

In the midst of the population,
i've found you.
In the race against time,
i'm with you.
In the time that we spent,
i felt you.
In the moments that we spent,
i treasure it.
In the opportunity that is given,
i grab it.
In the dreams at night,
i see it.
In the aisle of a church,
I promised you,
In the promises that i made,
I vowed to love you,
I vowed to take care of you,
I vowed to be by your side in times of ups and downs,
I vowed to walk this journey with you,
till death do us part.

seriously,
image of you has nv left my mind for a single moment.
wadever i do.
i'm always tinking of you.
missing you.
i noe u noe that i missed you.

Labels: My weakness is... you.
So is my Strength.

2009-08-05T11:56:00.000+08:00

A quiz that i took on face book.

its about love language.

here is the result that i've got.

Words of Affirmation

Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Verbal appreciation speaks powerfully to persons whose primary Love Language is “Words of Affirmation.” Simple statements, such as, “You look great in that suit,” or “You must be the best baker in the world! I love your oatmeal cookies,” are sometimes all a person needs to hear to feel loved. Aside from verbal compliments, another way to communicate through “Words of Affirmation” is to offer encouragement. Here are some examples: reinforcing a difficult decision; calling attention to progress made on a current project; acknowledging a person’s unique perspective on an important topic. If a loved one listens for “Words of Affirmation,” offering encouragement will help him or her to overcome insecurities and develop greater confidence.

2009-08-02T13:10:00.000+08:00

alright..
its been quite a while since i last updated this..

firstly, i've this bad news..
everyone will be ending their attachment 2 weeks later..
however,
mine will end 4 weeks later..
just because i took a day off one the last week of my attachment.
so my supervisor asked me to extend till the end of aug.
i've gt no choice,
i can't bring myself to reject him..
so i've to endure for another 2 weeks..

secondly,
baby gave me a card for our 3rd monthsary..
i love it alot..
every card that she made for me..
i treasure it..
cause its my everything..

thirdly,
i extremely detest myself..
when i looked into the mirror,
i felt so disgusted by the monster i see.
such a selfish monster..

baby has lots of work undone,
yet,
i wasted a whole afternoon of hers.
which she could have completed some work.

i felt so guilty,
felt so bad..
i can't help but to blame myself..
i noe by saying sorry it doesn't help..
but there is nothing else i can do..

felt so useless..
wad a f****** useless and self-centered boyf i am.

my heart ache extremely,
now that we have to cut down the days we get to see each other..
from 2-3 days to 1 day.
and..
according to wat she wrote in the card..
its true..
we haven been talking much lately.
as she have to do her work..

when she is stress.
i tried to encourage her..
cheer her up..
but everytime i try..
i only make things worst.
what kind of boyf am i?

everytime she is tired and wanted to take short nap.
i tried to wake her up.
bud i always fell asleep before i could give her a wake up call.
and by getting irritated when we were on phone and she fell asleep..
thats a wrong move..
cause when i fell asleep while on phone.
i bet she also felt the same way as i do.
and i'm not in the position to get irritated..
cause most of the time,
i'm the one who fell asleep..
what kind of boyf am i?

i left her hanging..
i made her stress..
i add problems to her current one.
what kind of boyf i am?

realli felt so disgusted by the actions i do.
i tried real hard,
but i just screwed things up.
*sigh*

ps: i'm utterly sorry baby!
i'm not a good boyf.
i'm not worthy.

Label: simplicity is beauty...

2009-07-27T00:34:00.016+08:00

photos for the day..

HAPPY 3rd MONTHSARY BABY!

lets talk about weekend..

Sat;
went to baby's house at around 2 plus,
brought snowy to the vet at around 3 plus for review.
glad he is getting better..
bud that is only the secondary cause..
not the primary cause...

after that, we brought snowy home..
prepared to go bishan for dinner..
went sakae sushi for dinner..
=D
we are happie kid!!
hahas..
den after that sent her home...
den i headed home after that.

Sun;
went to baby's house at around 2 plus..
gave her 2 cards,
one for our 2nd monthsary..
though is kinda late lar..
and another one for 3rd monthsary..
OMG!
my 3rd monthsary card actually is a warranty card.
bud i spell it wrongly..
i spell it as warrty!
damn!!
hope she like the cards..

stayed for not long...
left her house at around 5 plus..
headed to Cheng San CC to help a friend's troupe who is participating in the National Lion Dance Competition....
Congratz that they gt 6th position..

PS: Baby! hope u enjoyed the dinner !
love you!

2009-07-19T23:18:00.003+08:00

its been quite a while since i last post.
well..

just to write down what i did on weekend.

Sat,
woke up early in the morning and rushed to baby's house,
we are bring snowy to the vet at red hill..
and its from yishun to red hill..
its very very far..
so we took cab there.
when we reached,
snowy pee and crap at the clinic.
hahas..
poor baby have to clean it up..
so when its our turn to see the vet.
the vet checked snowy's ear and took samples of blood from his ears as they were badly infected.
so he put the blood sample under a microscope,
and after that he actually drew the cells that were found in the blood samples,
and explained to us about bacteria and stuff..
like we are internship or having bio lecture or something..
den he took us to the toilet,
which he said is the darkest place in the clinic.
he took a lamp which i duno wat is it.
and he point to the place of snowy's infected area,
and told us that the apple green colour is actually bacteria.
den blah blah blah..
we have to bring snowy back next week as he wanted to do it step by step.
beginning with his ears den his skin infection.

so we took cab back to her house.
den went out to eat and get stuff that is needed to clean snowy.

after that i went for my driving lessons,
after lesson i went back to her house.
she was doing her work and i fell asleep on her sofa.
hahs.

den around 8 plus i went home.

Sun,
went down to West Coast CC to watch lion dance competition,
went down to support Hequan and saw alvin representing Republic poly.
after their performance,
i went to baby's house,
supervise her..
hahas..
and i did something wrong..
i invaded her privacy,
i looked at her messages without her consent.
and i have reason for that,
i read her message for sender and date,
not the content.
cause last night,
i went to her blog and read her entries from the bottom,
which is like last year,
and i read the comment that she wrote on the last day of 2008,
about her ex.
and wad came to my mind was why she nv delete msges when her phone memory is full.
so wad i tink was that her inbox must be full of her ex's msg,
only just now,
den i found out,
that the very last msg was from her ex. and it was like 2007,
a few years ago,
why din she delete it?
its like,
last year she still couldn't forget her ex when she was kinda interested in me.
and wad she din noe was,
a few days ago,
i had a dream,
i dreamt that she was with her ex..
so what my mind was thinking that,
she may still tink of him..
which u noe,
a guy doesn't like his gf to tink of their ex,
when it should be them that the girl should be thinking about.
and there are stuff which i haven cleared from my mind.
like,
will she say i love u to her ex,
and its from her mouth, not by text,
cause yesterday,
she asked me if she is a bad gf?
den i sudddenly tot of that question.
bud i nv asked cause it was in the middle of the night.
i'm sorry that i invaded her privacy.
bud i did not get the answers to my questions.

ps: baby, i'm sorry!
its not that i dun trust u..
the reason why i nv ask is because i dun wan to remind u of him by talking about him.
regarding snowy, xin ku ni le!

2009-07-13T10:58:00.002+08:00

TA DA!!!
i am back to posting !
shall not let my master piece rot..

Saturday,
i woke up late..
thus, couldn't spend more time with baby.
so i got myself prepared and stuff.

met baby at a coffeeshop near her house.
bought lunch for her family and myself.
den we headed to her house for lunch.

slacked and slept.
hahas..
we are such a slacker.. XD

sunday,
went over to baby's house.
gambled with her and her sister.
after that,
i tried to watch prison break using her laptop.
thanks to her connectivity.
the show was not loading at all..
so decided to watch it when i reached home.

thats typically wad we do every weekend.
=D

getting to see her is already enough.
i feel so blissful to have her by my side.
the usual silly smile of hers.
is deeply inked in my heart.

she has become the first girl.
that i love so deeply..
none of my previous relationship can compare to this.

she is my main prior.
everything i do.
she will always be the first to come into my mind.
i lost my sanity when i'm with her.

Baby, if u happened to read this.
i just wanna let u noe,
i'm sorry that i have been thinking negatively all these while.

Labels: the first and the last.

2009-07-09T08:15:00.002+08:00

last night,
baby sent me a totally random msg..
the msg was long,
so the first sight of it..

i couldn't bring myself to read it..
it could have gave me an heart attack.

it seems like it dying out..
i did my best for this relationship..
i just dun wan to see it end..

glad i had an toothache..
the pain numb my heart and my mind..
its good because i wun think about those msges.

and i slept from 9 plus till morning..
totally exhausted and i duno why...

indeed feeling changed,
my feeling have grown deeper..
bud i noe u dun have the time,
and thats the reason why it seems to be drifting apart..
but its not..

i guess the feeling is not strong enough...
there is nothing i can do..
bud to continue building up this relationship..
hoping and praying that it's not gonna tear us apart..
and whoever tear us apart..
i'm gonna rip that ass apart..

i'm lost once again..
i'm confused..
i duno whats best for us..
mayb stop thinking and bothering will be better..
just let nature takes its course...
go with the flow..
go with the tempo.

everytime i close my eyes,
its just heartache that i feel.
her image that i see..
the text that she sent into my mind..

this shall be my last post..
i swear i'm not gonna touch it any more...

Label: things weren't the same any more...

2009-07-07T10:23:00.002+08:00

why am i always thinking of negative things?
i couldn't find an answer to that question..

maybe i'm inferior..
doesn't think that i'm good enough for any one..

bud it not fair to her with all these thoughts...
bringing her sadness instead of happiness..

everything just not that way i wanted..
thats so much for being a perfectionist..
thinking of how i wan to live my life..
how i wan things to be..

bud its all out of my reach..

and i find no solution to solve this problem that i have..

mayb i should continue being lazy..
lazy to think..
lazy to care..
lazy to bother...
just wanna lie on my bed..
watch that damn tv..

i just duno what is wrong with me...
nothing is wrong with this relationship..
yet i just feel wrong..
and i duno why...
i just wanna be a perfect boyf.
which i dun think i can..

PERFECTIONIST! GO AWAY!!!

2009-07-07T08:15:00.001+08:00

okay,
i guess i'm just being over sensitive..
and i admit that i'm full of negative thoughts..

i'm sorry baby!
i just can't stop thinking too much..
cause my nature is like that..

2009-07-06T11:35:00.001+08:00

i duno why,
bud somehow i feel that its drifting apart....

2009-07-05T00:56:00.003+08:00

after last night's thinking..
i guess i expected more..

a man is always greedy..
*sigh*

i'm sorry..
i guess i have to care less and have less expectation...

2009-07-04T09:44:00.002+08:00

Last night,
went to ECP to celebrate Ah He's Birthday.
around 10 plus going 11..
baby msged me..
told me she reached home..
and will call me soon...
bud in the end it was not soon at all..

the moment she said soon..
i have been holding onto my phone..
waiting for her call..
and finally when she called..
we chat for awhile..
and thanks to my damn bloody phone..
auto hang up..
den my phone went low batt..
so baby told me that she will msg me before she sleep..
in the end,
around 1 plus,
no msg at all..
den i already expected she fallen asleep..
bud there is no need to tell me that she will msg me before she sleep.
it just makes me wait like a fool.
keep looking at my phone..
waiting for her msg..

after that i dump my phone into my bag..
chit chat with my gangs of brothers..
den a few of us went to the beach to lie on..
of course with newspaper..
so as not to dirty our only clothings on...
had some guy's talk..

and enjoy the breeze and the waves at the same time..
its just the perfect place where i wanna live..
that peaceful life..
gaze upon the star..

and my mind was filled with her..
things have been going through my mind..
those fears again...
and what will happen to us in future..
i was thinking with my eyes close..
and naturally,
i kinda slept for a short while..

after that went back to the pit to chit chat..
arouind 4 plus to 5,
we went back to the beach again..
to lie down and have a sleep before we have to leave..
while lying down..
we were gazing at the stars..
the weather was so perfect..
was able to see a lot of stars.

and guess wat..
a few of us managed to see a shooting star..
wow..
so nice..
and so fast..
the speed is just like a blink of and eye..
and ta ta!
its gone..

made a wish upon seeing the shooting star..
and i shall keep that wish a secret..

so while lying down..
and chatted,
the sky starts to get brighter..
so we were discussing where the sun will rise..
cause we are all waiting to see the sun rise.
and unfortunately,
we couldn't see and the reason is unknown..

so we headed back to the pit and the others had finished clearing the pit..
so we went to take bus..
the bus journey was damn long..

and most of us fall asleep on the bus..
reached home at around 9.
charged my phone and saw baby's msg..
and i'm blogging now..
at the same time trying to fix my damn bloody ipod white screen of death...
stupid name huh..
and i shall turn in now..

meeting baby later..

Ps: Ah He, if u happen to pass by my blog, just wanna say thanks for the bbq and wish u a happy birthday in advance =D and i'm sorry that i may not see u off to tekong.. But hope u take care of yourself in there..

2009-07-03T13:14:00.002+08:00

AHHHH!!! IPOD WHITE SCREEN OF DEATH!!!
my ipod has been white screen since monday!
and i'm not sure if my warranty is over..

if its over..
damn.
i cant afford to send it for servicing..
cause the savings i have right now is just enough for my driving lessons..

hopefully i pass..
this time round..
if not..
i really gt nothing to say..

any way,
i so can't wait to see baby..
a weeks seems like a few weeks to me..
it felt so long..
it felt like we have been seperated for a long time.

lastly,
finally i can online during work!
WOOHOO!
i have tried days without internet access...
its so hard to survive..
no work is given..
i just secretly watch movies that i have..
feel so sleepy..

2009-07-03T12:08:00.001+08:00

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

i find it so true when i took this quiz..
try it..
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

2009-06-28T17:48:00.002+08:00

there was something in my mind..
and somethings that i came to realise when i couldn't fall asleep last night..

human nature is some thing so scary..
jealousy and trust is something that is crucial to a relationship..
and why there are murder case like the husband killed their wife or vice verse,
its all the doing of jealousy..

yes..
i am jealous...
cause what happened last night..
the immediate thoughts that came to my mind was..
was she like this when she was with that ex of hers..

i just duno how much i mean to her..
i noe she dun have the time...
i noe she tried hard..

bud how much time does it take a person to tell their love one that they love them in a text.
just a few seconds..
i noe i'm being selfish...
bud who is not..
other than those noble person who were legends..

however,
i'm just a normal guy..
i'm not saint,
some small little things actually mean a lot..

and that small little things doesn't takes up a lot of time..
its just depend on whether u are willing to make that effort to do so.

and i've realise..
the more i grab onto something tightly,
the more it hurts when things goes wrong..

i noe she is gonna get upset when she visit this blog and saw this post..
but its better than bottling up and not letting her noe how i feel..
i noe she dun have the time to tell me how she feel..
all i need is her to be understanding..
and not get upset when i'm upset because of small things..
thats because i dun wan to lose her..
i'm just concern and worried about her..
is that even wrong for me to do so?
dun i have the right to get upset?
i may have over reacted..

thats y i realised that...
i shouldn't grab onto this relationship so tightly.
i should learn to let go of somethings which is beyond my control..

sometimes,
i just feel that,
its all my fault..
because of my selfishness..
we got tgt at the wrong time..
i'm a distraction..
i just wan u to do well for ur studies.
have a better future...

i'm sorry baby!
i do love u a lot..
everytime i think of u..
my heart aches so badly.
and i'm always fighting and struggling to hold back my tears..
the love i have for u is can't be measured..
its more than i have exprienced.

PS: to readers, nothing happened to us.. its just my thoughts, just like what i've said, this blog is just a place for me to dump my negative feelings and thoughts.
and to my baby!
if u happen to read this,
dun think so much..
dun feel upset or anything...
if not i have to lock up this blog.

2009-06-28T11:56:00.004+08:00

last night,
baby's stomach was in pain,
so she went to took a rest..
without telling me..

and i was worried sick about her..
so i have the right to be upset..
and when i'm upset,
she get upset..

and when i tink back,
when i did something without telling her,
she gets upset and i'm not..
wad does this mean?

i am supposed to report to her..
and not she is not?

all i wan is her to inform me that she is going to take a rest or something,
rather than MIA for awhile,
den came back telling me wad she did..
i'll would have an heart attack by then..
worry something might happen..

or should i say,
i shouldn't care so much about her?

this kind of feeling feel so sucky..
i couldn't fall asleep when i'm tired..
my mind was thinking and thinking...
*sigh*

i guess,
i should care less..

PS: to my friends that visits my blog, the reason why its emo is because i dump every unhappy feelings here..

2009-06-26T09:00:00.002+08:00

WOOT!!
guess what day is today?

ITS....

OUR 2nd MONTHSARY!!!

gonna meet her later..

hope she is not giving me anything lar..

cause.. hahas..

u noe..

any way i dun tink will be receiving things from her until her exams over..

cause she is busy studying right now..

preparing for her exams..

so i'm gonna stand by her..

giving her my support..

though every night i always fall asleep while on the phone..

sorry baby!

any way, gonna go back to work now..

HAPPY 2nd MONTHSARY BABY!! XD

2009-06-20T22:53:00.002+08:00

i have been thinking about us..

my heart cant help but ache..

my tears cant help but roll down..

i felt so useless...

i can't help..

i been thinking..

am i the right now for u??

can i give u a better future?

i duno...

sometimes i just feel..

if she is not gonna help herself..

in what position can i help...

there is not way i can help...

and regarding her msn pm...

i'm not gonna care about it...

and i'm not gonna ask about it..

cause i been thinking...

if she wants to tell me..

she will...

bud if she dun...

there is not point asking her about it..

*sigh*

things have been going through my mind...

a lot of thinking...

thats y i hate to use my brain because of this reason...

everytime i start to think...

its always negative...

dammit!

2009-06-15T12:52:00.002+08:00

DAMN!!!

i'm having a bad week!

nothing goes right...

firstly, Kanna fine by NEA!!
300 bucks fly off..

Secondly,
i Freaking fail my TP!!!
which i tot can pass!!
everything went smoothly..

bud he just dun give me chance on my minor mistake...
and once again my demerit point reach 40!

BLOODY HELL!!
the tester was very friendly..
very good..
dun feel nervous when he is beside..

just blame on my poor judgement and slow reaction!!

in total..
i'm gonna say goodbye to 800 bucks..

CONCLUSION!!!
i'm FREAKING BROKE RIGHT NOW!!!

2009-06-12T10:45:00.003+08:00

*sigh*
i have been wondering and thinking..
what is happening between us..
i really duno what went wrong..

last night,
baby told me she was thinking about it too..
den i told her how i feel..
she told me hers..
though nothing happen..
but my heart aches like mad..
tears starts to fall..

i really wish this relationship will never come to an end.
i have been thinking about our future..

*sigh*

i guess we just got together at the wrong time..
the time whereby she needs to prepare for A's..
i'm always a failure when it comes to maintaining a relationship..

anyway,
i'm gonna let this blog rot..

2009-06-11T18:30:00.002+08:00

somethings just happened..
things doesn't feel right..

it seems to have changed..

now i began to wonder...

*sigh*

she is having holiday..
bud doesn't seems lyk one..

its weird..
that we din talk much when its her holiday..
i noe she is busy..
its time for me to keep my mind occupied.

so that i wun keep on thinking...
missing..
doing or say stupid stuff..

2009-06-08T08:21:00.002+08:00

saturday,
went to baby's house..
accompany her while she is studying..
however,
i'm the one sleeping...
after that, went to visit her god sister who just gave birth to a baby boy.
the baby boy is very cute..
hahas..
so both of them had a good catch up.
after that we went off to amk hub for dinner..
had dinner at pepper lunch.
was damn pai seh..
cause i din have enough cash with me..
and baby dun allow me to go withdraw money.
cause she keep saying that she owe me money..
*faint*
my money is equal to her money..
so she doesn't owe me any money.
after dinner, sent her home before i headed home..
while i'm on my way home..
i was thinking..
and thats how my private message comes from.

if u love somebody,
his/her past doesn't concern us.
so there is no point thinking of their past..
we should cherish and treasure the present..
and look forward to the future..
cause the past no longer exist..
it will only remain as a faint memory within us..

so after i reached home..
i wanted to stay up and wait for baby to finish studying..
bud guess wad..
i fell asleep on the sofa..
damn!
why do i keep falling asleep..
*Sigh*

Sunday,
received a call from baby in the morning..
and the funny thing is that..
its sunday,
and baby asked me,
why u haven wake up..
den she suddenly say..
oh ya.. its sunday hor..
hahas...
my silly baby is so adorable..
as usual,
i'll be at baby's house...
in the end i fall asleep on her bed again...
i'm such a pig..
slept for around 11 hours..
and still i continue sleeping...
*sigh*
baby was vex over something..
her da jie took leave and wanted to go japan to visit her er jie.
so she asked if she and her mum wanted to go..
bud baby can't..
cause her exams are near.
so her dad told her mum that her mum cannot go if baby is not going..
so her mum suggest her to go over to her grandma house to stay while her mum go oversea.
it hurts me to see her like this..
having problems one after another..
i noe she is tired..
around 8 plus..
i went home..
when i reached home around 12 plus..
i was on the phone with baby..
bud my bed was too comfortable..
that i fell asleep..
and i was on the phone like half awake..
damn!
i'm sorry baby!

ps: baby, i just want to let u noe..
no matter wad..
i'll never leave u for another girl..
so dun ever tink of that any more.
and i'll always be there when ur down..
always looking for ways to cheer u up..
i'm sorry if i can't help..
i'm sorry if i add problems to u..

2009-06-04T17:22:00.003+08:00

seriously..

i'm too crazy over her..

i just can't stop thinking/missing her every lil sec.
just couldn't stop looking at my phone..
wondering when will i receive a text from her...

all these is way beyond my control..
i cant focus when i'm working..
i cant have fun when i'm playing..

cause i'll always be thinking of her..

2009-06-04T11:45:00.003+08:00

LOST..

standing on a cross road.
does not have a single clue of where i'm heading.
or even where my destination is..
so i asked myself.
what do i want?

all i wan is get back on track.
and continue the journey that i'm walking right now..

idk what i'm thinking..
idk what i'm doing..

somehow,
my soul is wandering else where..

leaving this empty shell behind.

move like a wind.
come and go as and when they like.
that trouble free life.
is what i like.

doesn't have to think of stuff which i shouldn't think..
doesn't have to make a decision...
doesn't have to vex over stuff..

just like a heavy weigh have been lifted from me.
feel so light..

roaming around the world alone.
leaving my footsteps everywhere.

just wanna be alone...

2009-06-03T23:30:00.004+08:00

LOVE. BETRAYAL.

suddenly, it came to my mind.
this phrase " to love some one, it takes a lot of courage"
in the past,
i dun get wad it means.
but now,
i get to noe how it feels.

and i'm a guy who gets jealous easily..
so when she talked about her ex..
no matter which ex is she talking about..
i just feel jealous..
jealousy always never fail to control over me..

when will i ever stop being such a perfectionist?
when?

my greatest fear..
is afraid of losing her..
i have been thinking..
what will happen if she leaves me for another guy..
i noe that will never happen, bud life is unpredictable.
i kept thinking, when i'm enlisted..
will she ever betray my love for her..
the answer right now is no.. she wun..
bud lyk i've said..
life is unpredictable..
i've heard stories of girlf running away with another guy while the guy is serving for the country.
i'm so afraid that it will happen...
thats the fear i have..

i noe she wun leave me...
bud, i'm lyk this..
pessimistic...
just let me be..

2009-06-01T12:12:00.002+08:00

its been a long time since i last post..
sorry to those who visit my blog..
and it means good news when i nv blog..
cause my blog is a place where i dump all my unhappy stuff.

hmmm...
went to baby's house yesterday..
OH MY GOD!!
I thought she wun have the time to make card and stuff..
and guess what..
in de end she made a card and got me a ear piece!!!
heng i nv go buy ear piece..
if not baby's gift will be wasted.

when there is a first month,
there will always be others to come..
next aim.
first year! =X

okay..
mayb 6 monthsary ..
hahas..
alright..
i'm crapping already..
i am gonna be damn busy..
got lots of work to do.

gotta go!

CIAOS!

2009-05-26T11:39:00.002+08:00

WOOHOOO!!!
Today is a special day!!!
ITS....

Our 1st Monthsary!!!
YAY!!!!

1st month marks the beginning!
there will be more to come!!
=D

bud the sad thing is..
we can't get to celebrate..
she will be busy with her studies,
i'm busy with work..
weekends, she is having tchoukball competition...
so we cant get to meet for long...
all i can do is,
hopefully my driving lesson is in the morning,
den i'll head to her competition venue.
watch her play and give her my support..

and to those who look down on me!!
i'll prove to u with actions that i'm no longer that kind of guy who keep changing girlf!

in the past,
i was popular among girls..
cause i was quite fit lar..
unlike now..
and in sec sch..
its much easier to find girls..
and to tink about it..

i admit i was quite childish in the past..
who keep getting in and out of relationship..
what a dumb thing to do..

as i grow older..
i get to understand the true meaning of being together..

its about the love and going through the challenge of time together..
being there for each other..

sometimes i just wish that..
i can lie on the beach with her..
just the two of us.
enjoying the breeze..
night time,
look up and gaze upon the stars..
that peace is so wonderful..

ps: baby, Happy 1st monthsary! =D

2009-05-25T08:57:00.002+08:00

this morning,
woke up at 4.30 to gave baby a morning call..
bud before i gave her morning call..
i woke up in tears..
had a nightmare that seems so real..

all i can remember is..
i saw her with her ex..
the one that she truly loved..

thinking of the love she had for him..
makes me damn jealous..
that jealousy feel so real..

the pain that my heart was undergoing feels so real..

now,
all my fears are coming back to me..
they are haunting me..
been having sleepless night...

every night..
i have been having nightmare...
just that its not as serious as last night...

seriously,
i just afraid of losing her..

i oso have nightmare,
dreaming of her going clubbing..
she got drunk.
and kanna taken advantage by other guys..
for those who noe me inside out,
they noe i dun like my girlf to be taken advantage by other guys..
or should i say,
no guys will wan to let other guys take advantage of their girlf.
no guys will wan to let their girlf exposed.
guys will noe that..
there are perverts who take upskirts photos.
thats why i kinda feel that..
they should at least wear a shorts when they are wearing skirt.
shorts like FBT.

*sigh*
i'm just so afraid.

and i noe..
i'm possessive..

and i noe
i am being over possessive..

that can be a good and bad thing..

its good because..
it means that she meant a lot to me..
and i really really care about her..
its also means that i truly love her..
compare to all my previous relationship..
i only had that once..
this time..
will be the second time..
i dun wan history to repeat..
i'm sick and tired of all these.

its bad because..
there will be lots of argument and quarrel.
there is gonna be lots of unhappiness...
its all my fault..
i just duno why i cant change that over possessiveness within me..

it happened once..
it happened in my past relationship...
and i told myself i'm not gonna let it happen again..
bud..
in the end...
i still cant manage to change it..
DAMN!!!

really getting sick and tired of all these fears..
why cant they leave me alone..
*sigh*

lost and insecure....
i guess all i can say is i'm sorry..
i tried hard....
a virgo always tends to regret..
however, i dun regret being with u...
bud i regret for the cause of all those unhappiness...

2009-05-24T20:28:00.005+08:00

when shopping with baby..
was shopping for her bag..
den in the first place was kinda hungry when reached bugis..
cause i haven not had my lunch/ breakfast.
so i bought a boneless thigh chicken from seoul..
yummy!!!
its been a long time since i last ate it.
i always had that when i'm still working at bugis as a promoter..
bud guess what!!
one of my teeth actually chipped off without me knowing...
freak!!!..
i'm one teeth less now!!...
and i'm having a toothache..
so i guess i nid to see a dentist soon..
was so afraid that the dentist will pluck out all of my teeth!!
scary..

okay.
so i got myself a wallet and baby couldn't find a bag that she wans..
den we went Illuma,
the new shopping mall...
its damn big!!!!
bud i guess because it wasn't complete yet..
as most of the stores are still under renovation...

hmmm..
baby's school is having a public concert at republic poly..
and guess what.
she intend to wear a tee and skirt for the concert.
hahas...
den she called and ask her friends what they are wearing..
and her friends said that her dressing is kinda inappropriate.
so accompanied her home..
and changed into dress..

OMG!!!
baby look so damn hot and gorgeous..
gonna kill all the guys out there..
hahas...
and we took the train towards jurong east..
baby's friend is meeting her on the way to woodland..
and her friend board the train at sembawang.
hahas..

*sigh*
was kinda sad..
my heart was aching all the way home..
till now its still aching...
those eyes...
the ache has been there ever since she just alighted from the train..
all i could do is watch her walking away..
and the train is gonna move off..
i kept looking...
seriously i duno why..
tears just keep struggling to flow..
why do we have to part?
why cant the time just pause there...

WHY!!!

i shouldn't be tinking..
bud i can't help..
i'm sorry...

ps: 2 more days...

2009-05-22T23:11:00.004+08:00

*sigh*
seriously,
i really duno whats happening now..

my heart was aching,
when i heard baby said that,
she dun like someone to tell her what to do.
*sigh*
i was just concern about her..
is that wrong??

*sigh*
i really duno to care or not to care..
care also wrong..
dun care also wrong...

can some one just tell me what to do??
i'm really confused...
sometimes,
her temper just change so fast..
*sigh*

i'm lost.....
i've lost my sense of direction..
sometimes i'm speechless.

baby asked me what was i tinking..
now i kinda sorted out my thinking..

i was thinking,
is this relationship on a right track to lasting?
or it is going the opposite way..

*sigh*
there is so much air within me...

my emotions have ruled over my mind..
i can no longer think properly..
its u..
a girl that i love so deeply..
have made such a huge impact on me..
u are my everything..
everything that i have...

2009-05-22T08:14:00.000+08:00

Thinking.....

2009-05-21T09:05:00.002+08:00

AHHHHH!!!!!
i was supposed to wake up at 5 to give baby a morning call!!
and guess wad..
i couldn't even wake up!!!!
=(

anyway,
baby is having her A's Bio SPA later on.
GOOD LUCK BABY!!!
JIAYOU! JIAYOU! JIAYOU!!!

looking out my window,
saw the stars and the moon,
its reminds me of you,
those laughter,
those embrace,
those love,
its so beautiful,
just like you.

baby, i love you!

2009-05-19T20:34:00.002+08:00

thinking.....
baby was asking me what was i thinking..
somehow i just couldn't remember..

hmmm..
well, i recalled wad i was thinking..

hmmm..
i was kinda sad when baby said that i'm one who can't comfort her when she is feeling stress..
once again,
my negative thoughts..
i felt so useless..
my baby feels stress..
and yet i couldn't do anything..
all i wan is to help her..
be the one whom she can rely on.
*sigh*

and when she said she wouldn't praise someone..
i was thinking back..
its quite true that she dun praise someone..
even joking also wouldn't.
hmmm...
i guess i have to accept it..
rather than being that perfectionist..

2009-05-19T09:50:00.002+08:00

okay!
i cant seem to focus,
cause my manager and supervisor are in batam auditing!
and here comes my freedom!
muahaha!!!

so did a few quiz on facebook.

"what animal were u in the past?"
the result is;
A dove, You are very peaceful and nice. You fall in love very easily and you are quiet and calm. You are not very shy but you are not outgoing. You are a leader of your group of friends.

Woot!
imma bird!
imma plane!
imma SOUP-PER-MAN!!
=X

"Calculate ur Ideal Weight"
the result is 63kg!!!
DAMN!!!
i'm far from that!
its time for some serious fats kicking!
kick always all excessive fats that is covering my abs!
PROJECT MILS!
muahahas!!!

okay!
i'm kinda crazy today!!!

and back to serious matters!
i've gt lots of work to do!!!!!
and i'm behind time!

ciaos!

2009-05-19T09:03:00.002+08:00

OMG!!
have been busy doing my Interim Report.
and i figured out how to do my appendix!!
WOOHOOO
*CLAP*

anyway,
its been just a day since i last saw baby,
and i'm missing her badly already..
*sigh*

and i had a nightmare last night..
kinda scary,
cause it feels real..

i kinda remember wad my nightmare is about..
kinda one day,
i was picking up baby after her work,
and she kinda told me that she is going to club with her colleague or friends..
kinda can't remember that..
den after that i tink i said something lyk okay lor..
den i kinda went home..
after tat,
i was worried about her..
so i kinda borrowed a car from someone..
and drive to the club..
wait for her..
den i kinda saw her and another guy..
and she seems kinda drunk..
they seems kinda hugging each other..
den i was quite disappointed and furious..
so i went up gave that guy a punch..
den kinda quarrel with her..
den i wake up le..

pretty scary...
imagine me punching a guy..
which i nv did in my entire life..
i have never been in a fight before..
and that kind of anger..
i just duno why it feels so real..

thats the part that is very scary..
a nightmare that makes me feel the anger..
O.O

well, its just a nightmare..
and nightmare dun come true..
MUAHAHAH!!!

alright, shall get back to my work..
tatas!

ps: 6 more days.

2009-05-17T21:40:00.002+08:00

how i wish i have a wide vocab of how to describe a bastard.
*sigh*
i noe she dun like to see this kind of post..
bud its just how i feel.

i feel that i will only hinder her studies..
i'm of no much help to her..
i just hate myself for disturbing her when she is studying..
and when we are suppose to do our work..
i ended up sleeping on her bed..
which in de end makes her sleepy too..

such a bastard i am!
i just cant forgive myself..

when i tink about it..
i feel that i dun worth her love..
bud at the same time..
i'm thankful that i have her..

why am i so self-centered?
why must i be so selfish?
why can't i just spare a thought for her.

i just wanna tell her..
i'm thankful for the love she have for me..
i'm thankful for sparing time out of her busy and stressful life for me..
and i apreciated it..
i'm sorry baby!
i'm sorry~

2009-05-15T08:47:00.002+08:00

idk wads happening..
somehow i feel that,
we are kind of drifting apart..
is i too sensitive or wad?
i just notice that she has been calling me darling lesser..
or mayb i wish to see that magic word?
idk..
i just feel that its not the same anymore..
*sigh*

ytd when i was in the office,
i kept looking at my phone..
my mind was thinking of her..
missing her madly still,
my heart aches.
den my vision start to get blur..
*sigh*

i noe she is busy..
i noe she doesn't have the time.
i understand..

and i thank her for sparing some time for me..
its been hard on her.
and whenever she finished her work,
by that time,
i'm half awake or either i fall asleep le..
*sigh*

i've been thinking..
thinking of our future..

ps: Endure! and holding on still..
i just wanna say...
after all,
i'm still madly and deeply in love with her.
she is always on my mind and in my heart.

2009-05-14T15:52:00.002+08:00

i dunno why i have been looking at my phone since morning,
hoping to receive a text from her.
i guess i'm just not used to a day without msging or talking??
and wad came to my mind was,
how will i be able to survive if i'm enlisted,
or even when she is gone.
i found no answer to that question.

*sigh*

2009-05-13T14:12:00.002+08:00

its been awhile since my last post.
have been busy at work,
having OT almost everyday.
end work at 8.
reach home still have to rush my interim report.
F*** up attachment i have,
to recall back,
before we start our attachment,
we tot that we dun have to do report and just work and learn.
however,
we were WRONG!!
damn!
40 pages of report,
how many i going to write,
its been 2 days and i only manage to write 10 pages.

any way,
i was taking a short break from my work,
gonna continue later on,
so i did a few quiz on FB.

the first quiz i took is"how long will your relationship last"
and guess wad,
my result is FOREVER!
WOOHOO!

and the second quiz i took is "Who is your perfect match?"
and my result is
Perfect Partners: Taurus, Capricorn
Nearly Perfect Partners: Cancer, Scorpio
Like Minded Souls: Virgo
Opposites Youre Attracted To: Aries, Aquarius
Learn From Your Differences: Leo, Libra
Not Your Destiny: Gemini, Sagittarius
Astrological Hell: Pisces

and guess wad..
my baby is a Taurus!
WOOHOO~!!
feel so happy to see the results.
hahas =)
though the quiz may not be true.
bud still..
muahaha!

alright i shall go back to my work!
tatas!

ps: baby, we are a perfect match! =D

2009-05-11T21:34:00.002+08:00

this morning,
i was reading those msg that we quarrelled.
and i find that what she said wad true.
i find that i'm not understanding enough..
i'm so thankful that she make me woke up.
i'm so thankful that i've found her..
i'm so thankful for the love she give.
i failed my duty as a boyf.
i did not spare tots for her.

she is my angel!

any way,
i din have the mood for anything..
was being told off by my supervisor.
make me feel so bad.
and those interim report that the previous student did.
make me feel so stress.
m supervisor said,
those students were very automatic in the work they do.
and i feel that i'm the worst student they ever had.
sit there surf net and wait for work to be given.
i hate legislation!
i hate attachment!
i just wanna play!
i wan my holiday!
i wan to go back to sch!
most importantly,
I HATE DOING REPORT!!!!!!!!!!

2009-05-10T22:43:00.002+08:00

*sigh*
this few days,
we had been quarrelling..
and she is getting irritated easily..
i really duno wad to do.
i dun wan to quarrel.
really hurts me to quarrel with her..
and i start to tink.
do i understand her well enough?
this morning we quarrelled.
and we had a better understanding of each other.

bud i really have to say this..
imma bad boyfriend.
i'm so self-centered.
i only tink about myself.
nv consider her feelings.
yet she considered my feelings.
i feel so bad.
i'm gonna change!
i'm not gonna glue to her.
as in keep wanting to msg her and stuff.
cause i noe she have to focus and she doesn't have the time.
i will only be a burden and hinder her studies.
so i've decided to find things to do.
lyk go jogging while she is doing her work.
and we'll meet once a week.
i dun wan to see this relationship to end.
i really don't.

today,
we met up to go jurong point.
cause she nv been there.
so i'm on my way to orchard to meet her.
while on the train.
i've been thinking about those quarrel we had.
my tears just seems to start rolling.
i hold back my tears.
bud the ache is still there.
even when i was preparing to go out.
my tears already started to roll down my cheeks.
i just can't help it.
i can't control it.
i'm struggling to hold back those tears.
i noe i'm such a cry baby..
i just dun wanna lose her.
afterall,
she is the only girl that i've love so deeply.
compared to all my previous relationship.

i just hope everything will feel the same..
will be the same as before.
bud i noe..
it will nv be..
somehow,
more or less, there will be changes.
*sigh*

ps: baby, i noe u will be unhappy after u read this post..
its just all that i've gotta say.

2009-05-10T13:10:00.001+08:00

days of sleepless nights is gonna begin.
woke up with my fear covered with tears.
living my life with fear.
fearing that the end will come one day.

2009-05-10T11:40:00.001+08:00

i'm sorry!

2009-05-09T23:49:00.005+08:00

All i wan is just her to be happy..

dui bu qi!

i really din tink of wad her tink that i will be.
i really hate to quarrel with her.
it just hurts me to see her unhappy.

i dun wan that thing to affect us.
*sigh*
sometimes all i need is words of assurance from her.
i just wan her to stop hiding things from me.
i wan to noe wad is she tinking about.

2009-05-09T16:49:00.002+08:00

Human nature;
today,
i realise a lot of things about human nature.
i realise that,
every one make stupid mistakes,
be it in the past or future.
sometimes when they tink back,
they find themselve stupid,
and ask why will they do something so stupid in the first place.
sometimes,
its just hard to explain,
human nature is so mystical.

i also realised that,
actually,
imma damn selfish guy,
i'm not a nice guy,
neither am i a bad guy,
just somewhere in the grey shade.
not white nor black,

and to tink about this relationship,
i kinda find myself,
being the one who is glued to her.
which i tink it may bored her out.
and will irritate her.
causing her to get tired of me,
i find myself damn naggy and stuff.
why the hell am i still so childish?
why can't i be serious?
why do i tink so much?
why?

i just dun get that answer to my questions.
will i be more mature when i'm out of NS?
mayb,
will i still be as childish as before after NS?
mayb.
life is so uncertain.
so unpredictable.

love is something that is sweet,
yet sometimes bitter,
it enjoy torturing people.

i also realised that,
why do i always post how much i love her,
how much i miss her and stuff?
why?
love isn't something that words can describe.
bud i've gt the answer for this question.
i type it out,
to release the torture within me,
the struggle i'm going through,
to make me feel better,
sometimes i just wish,
she can tell me how much i mean to her.
that kind of feeling is something that is so rare.
so unique.
imma guy that can be sensitive,
bud blur,
and i tink the wrong stuff.
why am i born to be lyk this??
why?
somehow,
i feel that i'm a perfectionist.
who wants things to go my way.
and when tinks dun go my way,
i'll keep thinking and tinking and tinking..
thats y,
i always tink about her past.
its not an excuse or something,
its just something that i realised.

and i noe,
things wun always go the way u wanted to.
there is always this possibility that lead the things u wanted to another route.
from a one way road,
u reached a junction.
there are split route ahead.
its depends on how u tink,
wad u expect,
how u react,
so that i will turn out to be the way u wanted to go.

however, there are somethings that canot be controlled by us.
u may be on the one way road,
bud there are traps ahead,
u fall into a trap,
and that leads u to another route.
its something that is unavoidable.

ps: humans tend to regrets on the stupid mistake that they made.

2009-05-08T15:00:00.003+08:00

finally its friday!
i'm at work right now..
and i'm looking forward to the end of work.
that means i get to rest!
and i miss my baby so much!
i wan to see her badly!
however,
sat i'm busy with lion dance performance for vesak day.
after that i still gt mother's day celebration.
so couldn't meet her.
we initially planned to go out on sunday.
bud now still not confirm yet.
as last night,
she told me that sunday her mum and her aunt are going to celebrate mother's day.
its in the afternoon some more!
if we aren't able to meet this week.
i have to wait till next week!!!
its a torture!
cause i'll have to wait for another week!
(TooT)

imy, baby!

2009-05-08T09:21:00.002+08:00

yesterday,
kanna reprimanded by my supervisor.
damn..
cause the instruction he told me i mistook it.
scan the document wrongly.
he gave me 3 missed call.
and i din realised it.
my phone vibration wasn't strong.
couldn't feel it.
feeling so damn screwed.
plus i'm not feeling well.
been having toothache since morning.
and the pain affect both side of my face,
leading to my brain.
therefore, i lose my focus.
and my supervisor said i'm losing concentration oso.
told him the reason and he said he dun care about the reason.
*sigh*
glad baby was there to comfort me.
so when i reached home,
the toothache was still there.
so initially, i only wanted to close my eyes to rest.
however,
i fell asleep.
and baby sent me msges.
around 8 plus den i woke up.
den i saw the msges.
replied baby.
den wait for her to do finish her work.
around 9 p.m
baby called.
she was taking a rest from her work.
half way through,
baby fell asleep..
hahas.
my piggy baby!
*OINK* =X
around 9.40,
baby auto wake up.
miracle happen sia =X
after that,
baby continued studying.
so i waited for her to finish studying.
around 12.45 baby asked me to call her.
hahas..
another half way through,
can hear that baby is falling asleep.
cause wad she said doesn't link at all!!
its just lyk she is talking nonsense stuff..
hahas.
my baby is so adorable!
so i asked her to go and sleep.
so we hung up the phone.
around midnight 1 plus,
baby sent me a msg and its just a crying smiley.
so i was worried about her.
and i called.
baby told me she had a nightmare.
dreaming that i was very very very bad to her..
comfort baby and den we hung up the phone.

Ps: i'm still falling in love with my baby!
the way she talk is so adorable! =D
i'm so glad that i've found her!

2009-05-07T07:57:00.003+08:00

*sigh*
last night baby was tired..
so studied half way..
she went to take a short nap..
i was to wake her up at 10.
so i called her at 10.
couldn't wake her up.
around 10.30,
her phone low batt.
so was kinda forced to wake up.
she talked to me on msn.
so i tot she was up.
so i replied.
tinking that how come so long she still nv reply.
tot she would be studying.
so i went to bathe.
never did i noe..
she actually went back to sleep!!!!!
*faint*
so i called her..
keep asking her to go bathe.
so that she will feel fresher.
and feel more awake.
so kind quarrelled.
i din wan to quarrel with her.
my intention is to be strict forcing her to study.
bud that doesn't work.
so.
she went to bathe.
after that she went back to study.
again.
she study half way through.
she fell asleep.
and around midnight 1+ she called..
i know she felt screwed.
cause her notes,
out of 40+ pages,
30 pages were smurge by her marker.
and u noe the ink of the marker will spread and leak.
so she was crying.
it hurts to me hear her cry.
and i duno wad to do.
so i kinda get fed up.
asking her to stop crying.
and guess wad.
she hung up on me.
i called back.
bud was transfered to her voice mail.
so i keep calling.
den msg her.
and continue calling.
finally she picked up the phone.
telling me how sad she was and everything.
her mind was blank.
totally can't tink of solution to that.
i tried hard.
and she doesn't know y nowadays she is so tired.
keep having the mentality that..
she should quickly finish this work.
and get some rest like taking a short nap.
i really duno how to help her.
when she cant even endure.
she doesn't have much time to study already.
and she already spared time for me.
i feel lyk a burden to her.
i'm so f****** useless!
i can't do anything to help.
all i can do is stay by her side.
giving her moral support.
i can only share her prob.
bud i only can listen.
i wan to do something for her..
to make her feel better.
i cant be with her.
whenever i'm beside her.
she will just fall asleep.
so much for being a cushion.
and it sucks!
i'm speechless.
and i'm lost.
all i can say.
is she have to depend on herself.
i cant help with her studies.
i cant make her feel awake.
wad a lousy boyf. i am..
DAMN!!!!
i just feel lyk banging my head against the wall.
this feeling sucks.
wanted to do something to help.
yet i cant do anything.
SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WAD TO DO!!!!!!

ps: who doesn't have attitude!

2009-05-06T07:57:00.002+08:00

yesterday,
work was quite busy..
did a lot of stuff..
den went to sch for training..
kenneth rented a car and he came to fetch me..
hahas..
he was looking at the street directory and driving at the same time!
hahas...
on my way home..
baby said she wanted to take a nap..
so she asked me to wake her up at 9p.m
around 9 plus..
i called..
i tried to wake her up.
bud i couldn't..
so i lied..
that its 9.55p.m
hahas...
she fell for that..
and her reaction was funny..
just can't stop laughing..
hahas...
and now i noe..
waking baby up is not an easy task..
it took 1 hour plus for me to wake her up..
and she force herself out of bed..
i merely call her..
wasn't effective..
and she said my voice lyk wanna die lyk that..
and that makes her feel sleepy..
*sigh*
imma bad boyf.
sometimes i just feel that i'm not good enough for her..

ps: Emo kid is back!

2009-05-05T10:50:00.003+08:00

sometimes,
i dk wad i'm thinking..
i just feel trapped in my own space..
i dk wads going on..
all i noe is everything doesn't feel right..
i'm tired..
sometimes i just wish i can sleep all day long..
with her in my arms..
that moment..
so peaceful..

this song is kinda emo..
bud i like it..

My immortal -evansence

2009-05-05T10:11:00.002+08:00

Oh my god!
i look lyk a god damn drug addict when i'm having running nose..
and due to the swine flu period..
i guess other peeps will stay far away from me when they see me..
i'm tired..
i just wanna lie on my bed..
i've got 15 more weeks to go.
still god damn long to go!

any way..
as i was sick ytd..
din really talk to baby much..
these few days..
she has been busy with her school work too..
been a few days since we last talked on the phone.
it seems lyk a few weeks to me.
kinda not used to it.
bud i guess i will get used to it soon =)
as she will be busy preparing for A's.

ps: nothing's gonna change..

2009-05-03T21:52:00.004+08:00

i had a nightmare last night..
woke up with tears..
something that i fear..
glad that i was just a nightmare..
cause nightmare wun come true..

any way,
went to baby's house just now..
was reading magazine while she do her work..
*sigh*
everytime we get together..
time just pass unknowingly fast..
its not enough..
i cant bear to part..
parted for a few mins..
and i start to miss her lyk mad..
i miss those sweet embrace..
her smile..
her eye..
the smell of her shampoo..
her everything..

it's the end of weekend..
means i gotta go back to work..
and i'll be looking forward to another weekend..
*sigh*
next week only get to meet her once.
=(

i saw an halo over her..
she is my angel..
the angel that took my breathe away..
my heart, my soul..
she is my everything..
the love of my life..

2009-05-03T00:24:00.003+08:00

things between us are better now...
bud still it feels kinda weird...
idk how to explain..
just doesnt feel the same..
mayb it takes a few days for it to feel lyk before..
idk..
i just hope everything will be back to normal..

any way,
was feeling bored and nothing to do..
so did some quiz on fb..
love language.
the results that i got..

Physical Touch
Many mates feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from their partner. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or break the relationship.

Goh took the Which Love Language do you have? quiz and the result is Time and Attention
You are a person of Time and Attention. This means you are most touched when people spend time with you and listen when you talk. You enjoy to do the same for others. Time and attention are a great way of communicating, but when someone else you love doesn't necessarily talk the way you do, it doesn't mean they don't love you. What would be their primary love language? The downside of this love language can be people assume you are lazy because you take your time. Try to find out how hey treat you when they try to show love, and try to speak their love language back to them so they feel loved. One last point to mention is that God also communicates in your love language. He uses time and attentin, too. He says in the Bible that He loves you, that you are the apple of His eye, and that He wants you to come to Him and talk to Him. He loves you and gave Jesus (God Himself in human form) to bridge the gap caused by the fall of sin through which we cannot fully obey the law He gave us. He made the solution through Jesus, and when accepting Him, you'll accept God Himself, Who loves you, and wants to communicate with you. You are the attention, His focus. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. Yes, He is timeless, patient, for ever present, and eternal!

ps: the love i have for her is getting way beyond my imagination..

2009-05-02T10:57:00.002+08:00

my tears just cant stop flowing..
my heart just cant stop aching..

i've shouldn't have think...
its brings unhappiness..
its all my fault..
how i wish i can just stand on the roof top..
look at the scenery..
close my eyes..
feel nature..
and fall..
bud that doesnt end the unhappiness..

i'm utterly sorry..
i have reflected on wad i've done..
i've think of it till i cant think any more...
i'm sorry...
very very very sorry...
i noe apologising doesnt help..
bud there is nothing i can do..
except that i promise i'll never think again...
i swear i'll...
please believe in me...
i love you, baby...
i really do...

2009-04-29T21:57:00.004+08:00

DAMN!!!
I'M SO GOD DAMN USELESSS!!!
i actually fell asleep and my phone auto shut down without knowing..
baby msged me, till now i couldn't receive.
she called bud my phone wasn't on.
she is feeling very tired..
very stress..
yet i can't do anything..
DAMMIT!!!!!
she injured her lips and it bled..
she feel lyk drinking and eating bud she can't...
and i duno wad to do..
DAMN ME!!!
she has been feeling damn irritated these few days...
i can only endure...
i have to endure and tolerate...
bud it just hurt me so much to see her lyk this...
yet i can't do anything...
i just wan to do something to make her feel better..
*ARGH*
she said she feel lyk banging the wall..
now i said..
i feel lyk wacking myself..
for being so god damn useless..
why am i born to be lyk this?
WHYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!
*sigh*
she cried and was unhappy.
i noe she was unhappy because she couldn't find me.
cause my phone was off.
i f****** fell asleep..
and my bloody connection shows that i'm connected and yet i cant sign in msn.
baby just told me that..
she was unhappy cause she is worried about me..
as she couldn't reach me..
tinking that i should have reached home le..
she went online, couldn't see me online..
she tot i was with friends..
she tot that my phone low batt..
she tot that i went to cca..
afraid that something might happen to me..

i'm sorry baby!
i very very very sorry!
i'm sorry that i fell asleep..
i'm sorry that i made u worried about me...
its all my fault...
i'm sorry that i couldn't do anything...
i'm sorry that i couldn't make u feel better...
i'm lyk a burden to u...
*sigh*
dui bu qi bao bei! =(

2009-04-29T10:23:00.006+08:00

yesterday went back to sch for training,
injured my toe.
and guess wad..
when i reached home,
i took of my shoe and socks..
damn! my toe partly is black..
black as in blue black..
and it felt swollen..
i cant even bend or straighten my toe..
i'm barely walking..
seems more lyk limping..

baby was kinda stress..
cause she has lots of work to be done by thurs.
and she is mentally worn out..
she felt sleepy.. so i asked her to sleep first..
when we are on the phone..
she is already fallen asleep..
called out for her quite a few times and no answer..
so i hung up the phone..
baby called back after i sent her a goodnight msg..
in de end she oso fell asleep..
my piggy! how i wish i can watch her sleep..

this morning, baby couldn't wake up early to do work..
partly my fault..
cause my alarm rang at 4 plus..
i was too tired,
went back to sleep instead of giving baby a morning call..
i'm sorry...
she was unnhappy with herself..
the lift broke down..
and i tink she was half way through when she just realised that she forgotten her file.
i noe she must be feeling damn screwed at that point of time.

it hurt me so much to see her lyk this..
when she is down.
wadever i said doesn't help..
cause she wun listen..
an i can't help much..
i'm so damn bloody useless..
all i wan is to do something for her..
i wan her to feel better..
thats y whenever she is feeling down i tried to joke..
bud it doesnt help..
she wans me to be serious and joke at the right time..
i'm sorry that i cant do that..
i can't solve her probs..
all i can do is stay by her side..
giving her my support..
when she is doing work..
i have to stay awake..
in case she went crazy due to stress..
so that i can give her comfort when she needs me..

imma superman in making.
i have to stay strong..
i have to endure..
i have to tolerate...
i have to be there!
i will always be there!

ps: its just the beginning ~

2009-04-28T22:52:00.000+08:00

Goh just took the "What is Your Love Character?" quiz and the result is The Self-Less Lover.
You love truly, madly, deeply …selflessly … With every fibre of your being Your love is intense but does not necessarily need to be reciprocated You are saving yourself for someone special When in love …your love knows no boundaries There is nothing that you won’t do for your special person And that person will respect other people’s feelings In the same way that you do You never compromise your love honesty and integrity Or the enormous loving and nurturing qualities you have. You always have time for others. When it comes to matters of love You freely give insight and guidance to others And deliver the message of true love You will recognise your soul-mate from the first kiss. However you do not give your real kisses freely just to anyone You will use romance to create the right atmosphere But not in a manipulative way… your aim is true. You will never play games with people’s feeling For you, true romance is found in the eyes of your lover. When you do find the one you seek. You will need no one else in your life. When you love, your love is legendary. Others are envious of your strength and ability to give. Your love is often discussed, admired and held up as inspiration for others.

2009-04-27T12:29:00.003+08:00

a day seems lyk a week,
a week seems lyk a month,
a month seems lyk a year,
a year seems lyk a decade.

ytd was the first time i shed tears in front of a girl.
she saw those tears.
and she started to shed tears too..
we just cant bear to part.
wishing that there would be more time for us to spend.
a day has passed,
every start of a new week,
i would always be hoping for friday to come,
cause then,
i'll be able to see her soon.

and wads weird is that,
when we are tgt,
times flies lyk nobody's business,
in a blink of an eye, a few mins is actually a few hours..
when we aren't tgt,
damn! time passes lyk its in a traffic jam..
passing so slow..
god damn slow...
its torturing me...
i cant stand that torture any more...
i'm gonna lose my sanity..
she is the only one that can save me from those torture.
yet when time is up,
another torture begins..

2009-04-26T21:37:00.003+08:00

Baby with her Roses! =)

Her Roses!

her cake!

Today,
i lied to her that i went to slack with my friends..
when actually i went to find my mum to get my flowers from her.
took cab down to northpoint to get her cake..
when i was reaching her house..
i went to the 7th storey,
to prepare stuff..
however my plan din work..
cause her door was wide open..
and the wind blew off the candle light..
den i lit it up at her door,
and she saw the roses..
din manage to give her a surprise..
hahas...
celebrated her birthday in advance..
and initially,
i tot that i could give her a surprise on 12 midnight...
however,
i failed my driving test..
so had a change of plan..
so i made a card,
i noe its simple and not nicely done..
its my first time making card and she is the first girl and person who received the card.
was sleeping on her bed..
while she was doing her work..
den she helped me cut my nails..
hahas..
cause i have a habit of bitting my nails..
before i left her house..
i asked her that question.
she said yes..
when i was in the lift..
i was jumping with joy..
totally in love with her..
and i get to be with her..
after 5 months and 3 days..
we are officially tgt..
=)
all the fear that i used to be scared of are now gone for good..

baby,
i know u visit my blog de..
i wanna thank u..
=)

23.11.08

thats the day we first met, our story begins from there..

26.4.09

our story moves to a next level,
a new chapter of our story starts..
we are officially tgt..
i'm glad i have her.
i really thank god!
cause he brought us tgt..

2009-04-25T13:09:00.004+08:00

all of a sudden..

i just wanna see her so much...

so much that its beyond my imagination..

i wanna be with her so much...

it would kill me so much just to be with her...

those misses are killing me softly..

just lyk a poison,

running through my blood..

killing me softly and slowly..

yet its fatal..

those love are lyk a poison..

and ur my antidote...

suppressing the poison temporary..

2009-04-24T18:17:00.003+08:00

i'm missing her so badly!
my mind is filled with her..
filled with those moments that we spent..
thinking how it would be nice if she is right beside me..
those sweet embrace..
those smile and laughter.
those eyes of hers..
captured my soul..
being the only tenant in my heart.
making my heart aches lyk mad..
i'm so in love with her..
crazy,madly, deeply in love..
thank god i've found her..

2009-04-24T10:04:00.002+08:00

Cheers!
its FRIDAY!!!
and that marks the end of another week of my attachment!!
YAY!!
had plans for tml..
gonna cut my helmet-like hair..
gonna go kenny's house for meeting to discuss for our new batch of members..
sad to say..
we've only manage to recruit a girl..
though she is average looking..
she is consider good already!
cause she is the only girl there...
and the guys they learn quite fast..
potential lion dancer! =)
and i guess i wouldn't be going down training much..
as i'm having my attachment..
doesn't have the time and cash!
and guess wad..
i took cab there..
and it cost me 21 bucks!!
stuck in the jam just for a U-turn!!!
i had to borrow 2 bucks from kenneth..

after training,
manage to buy my stuff at popular..
and they are kinda lyk gonna close in less than 10 mins..
*phew*
if not i guess i'm so dead!

so looking forward to sunday!!!!
*cheeky smile*

ps: 2 more days!!

2009-04-23T14:20:00.003+08:00

WEEKEND IS COMING!!!!
cant wait for weekend to come..
hahas..
so that i dun have to work!!
and some one is turning officially 18
after this weekend..

ps: so tempted to bite my finger nails...

2009-04-22T15:24:00.003+08:00

Damn!
i'm feeling so screwed right now!!
Outstanding works to do rush..
have to do OT tonight..
can't go popular again..
cause i screwed my stuff..
and..
I"M RUNNING OUT OF TIME!!!!
AHHHH~!!!!!

any way,
i wanna apologise to her..
i fell asleep last night..
leaving her alone..
stressed by her work..
wanted to talk to me to relax..
yet i was asleep on the sofa..
and she cried..
imagining how would her life will be without me..
i'm the cause of this..
and i'm to be blamed..
i'm so bad..
i always fall asleep..
i just can't help it..
i dun tink i'm as tired as u are..
bud still i fall asleep..
i cant help but to feel bad..
felt the ache in the heart when i left her hanging..
why am i such a pig!
why am i born to be a pig??
such a lazy ass i am..
*sigh*

just wanna let her noe..
i'll never leave her..
i'm gonna hold on tightly..
no matter how strong the wind blows,
i'll still be standing firmly.
and not being carried away..

2009-04-21T10:26:00.007+08:00

yesterday took a day off,
went back to sch to help out for the CCA Fiesta..
kelvin and i make use of the lion to run around the hall,
giving out leaflets.
i was the lion tail..
and kenneth told me..
some guys tried to "bang" the lion..
wth!!!!
they are gay!!!! O.O
after walking around..
we went out of the hall..
den after awhile,
we were trying to squeeze our way in when we were still in the lion..
and guess wad.
there was some girls behind me..
i was playing with the tail and they keep smacking my tail lar...
hahas.. kinda fun lar..
den went to perform..
after perform went to makan..
after makan stayed at the hall the whole day..
the hall closed at 6..
and pathetic..
we only had 6 ppl signing up for the club..
went to lot 1 after the fiesta..
went to popular to get some stuff..
after that went home to try out something..
guess wad..
i failed!!! =(
the things that i tried doesnt work out..
so i'm hoping that i wouldn't have OT these few days...
as i need to go back popular again..
kinda lagging behind my plans..
starting to feel kinda rush for things..
should have start doing so earlier...
tot it was easy..
bud not at all..

she was kinda unhappy yesterday,
cause i was looking at other girls..
just wan to let her know..
i may look at other girls..
bud there is only her in my heart..
and i noe if i were her..
i will also be unhappy if u look at other guys..
but at least i tell her...
not hide from her..
cause this is inevitable...

everytime i talked to her on the phone at night..
i always feel so bad..
cause i always fall asleep..
i'm sorry baby!!!
thanks for ur understanding =)

5 days

2009-04-20T11:00:00.000+08:00

6 days..

2009-04-19T00:37:00.003+08:00

This morning,
woke up early to accompany baby to take blood test at yishun polyclinic.
and when she take the blood test,
the nurse had to squeeze the blood out..
as she doesnt not have enough blood..
she had been taking blood test for the past few days..
and she is not recovering yet..
though she is having borderline fever,
she stil have low platelet cells.
and after she see the doctor..
her platelet cells actually dropped lar..
omg.
the doctor actually gave her another day of mc on monday just for the blood test lar..
baby has been missing lesson for a week le..
she is gonna be stress when she return back to sch lar.
so many things to catch up.
and she is having her A's this year..
after we her blood test,
we went to LJS for lunch..
den after lunch went to her house..
played with snowy..
help her install program.
den watched Twilight...
kinda distract her from doing her work.
and i felt so bad...
after watching..
i had to go for my lion dance..
seriously..
why must time pass so fast..
the good times always pass so fast..
yet when we wan it to pass fast for other things..
it just seems to take a year for a day to pass.
i couldn't bear to leave..
i really treasure that moment..
those embrace.
felt so sad..
my heart was aching when i'm forcing myself to leave.
i wanted to be her cushion..
so that she can take a rest..
sigh...
while performing,
i have been thinking of her..
missing her sooooo much...
my heart began to ache...
i wouldn't be able to see her for a week...
OMG!!
thats a torture.. =(

ps: 8 more days....

2009-04-16T20:29:00.005+08:00

A SUDDEN ACHES IN THE HEART!

all of a sudden..

she talked about her ex..

telling me that sometimes,

she still will tink of the past.

and whether her love for him at that point of time is true or not..

and she said its true..

feel a sudden ache..

envy; jealousy

thats wad i feel..

bud nvm..

cause we are the present and the future~

woot!

any way..

who wun tink of the past..

sometimes i do..

and i can say..

we are the same.

once, we used to love a person so truly..

and thats in the past..

those are called memories..

which means its the past..

whats important now is the present and the future..

after i reached home..

was on the phone with her..

and she wasn't in the mood to joke..

and ask y cant i be serious..

all i have to say..

i made my mistake once..

thats when i used to be serious,

my ex finds me boring..

i'm not gonna be that way..

and i know i always joke..

mayb all the time..

bud there were times when i'm serious..

bud i made it seem that i'm not being serious at all..

baby girl,

i'm sorry that i'm always joking..

请原谅我　原谅我不成熟

i'm sorry....

i happened to recall about yesterday night..

i was on phone with baby..

kinda fall asleep lar huh!

as usual..

baby fall asleep too..

we were both tired..

bud i remembered a part where she actually called out darling on the phone..

thats the first time i heard her calling me that..

as in not by msg..

and all of a sudden my eyes were wide open..

hahas...

mayb baby should call me that whenever i'm falling asleep..

cause it wakes me up XD

2009-04-14T08:13:00.003+08:00

DANGEROUS DRIVER!

DAMN!!!!!

why am i so nervous?

maybe because its my first time?

but why others manage to pass with their first try?

in the morning i had a revision lesson..

everything went smoothly..

until..

when i was in a room waiting for my tester..

my heart began to beat fast..

and i couldn't stop shaking my leg..

when the tester came,

i got into the car..

the first course he wants me to take was the S course.

he told me to turn into course number 4.

guess wad..

i was still looking for the course when he suddenly jam break.

damn! my morale and confidence dropped..

during the slope..

i'm too nervous that before my car reached the peak.

i already pressing my brake le.. cause after up slope is a down slope..

thats y have to brake.. and i brake too early..

gt demerit points for that..

when doing parallel parking..

suay, i strike pole drop..

total 14 demerit points for that..

all confidence gone..

during revision nv hit pole de lor..

*sigh*

den when outside, still smoothly..

until i came to a slope..

which i din apply hand brake..

he jam my brake.. pull my hand brake..

den when i'm trying to move off..

there is a motorcyclist turning into my direction..

i was too nervous that i release a bit of clutch and my car starts to move forward.

den the tester jam brake again..

saying how dangerous it was..

den ask me to turn left when i was suppose to turn right..

straight away went back to bbdc..

damn...

totally screwed.

thanks baby and friends for consoling me..

thanks baby for being there to comfort me..

feeling much better after she console me.. =)

2009-04-12T21:05:00.003+08:00

OVERCOMING THE FEAR!!!

i'm gonna dump all my fears here..

*sigh*

i'm just so afraid that she might leave me..

i duno if my feelings are right or not..

cause i'm losing my sanity..

i feel that she is beginning to feel tired of me..

i really love her..

i really do..

the love is beyond what i can imagine..

i fear that something will happen to us..

which i doesnt wan that to happen..

i already imagine how our future will be..

i fear that i'm a burden to her..

which i dun wish to..

i really hope i wun get in her way regarding her studies..

i'm so afraid that the fears will come true..

i once saw someone's personal msg..

when the closer u are to someone..

the more u are afraid of losing them..

now i understand how it feels...

i'm praying that she will recover..

i'm praying that nothing will happen to us..

i'm praying that our love will always last..

i'm praying that the fears will not come true..

i'm praying that she will not get tired of me...

i'll always be praying...

i noe i'm negative..

i noe i'm paranoid..

i noe i'm irritating..

i noe i'm always disappointing u...

i'm so sorry...

i will behave lyk this..

its because i love u so...

i noe i have been telling u how much i love u..

action speak louder than words.

i should prove it..

rather than telling u..

I"LL OVERCOME THE FEAR!!!
I KNOW I WILL!!!

i'm sorry for that..

2009-04-10T21:48:00.003+08:00

WOOHOOO!!!
ITS GOOD FRIDAY!!
dun have to work!!!
so slept late last night..
tot i will sleep till noon...
instead, i woke up at 9 plus..
cause the weather was warm..
and the sunlight is too glaring!
den went out to meet edmund..
its been a long time since i last saw my gang of brothers..
after that, went to meet baby..
accompanied her to buy dinner..
and she actually asked her mum if i can go up her house for a seat..
kinda lyk meet the parent session huh..
hahas.. =X
so i guess her mum take me as her boyfriend..
hahas..
only those who noe me..
will noe wad's going on.. =D
waiting for the right time,
waiting for the right moment..
okie back to wat happened at her house..
baby kinda force me to eat bbq stingray.
which she noe i dun eat seafood at all..
so i was willing to try ..
however, u noe..
the taste is so yucky!!
hahas .. =X
den i was entertaining kor kor
he is kinda cute..
bud i agree with wad she say.. very naughty.
hahas..
and DIDI IS CUTE!!!
hahas...
now i noe y she prefer didi rather than kor kor..
looking forward for tml..
only if she recover..
hope she will get well soon..

still praying that she will get well soon.
her fever is so unconstant..
subside and come back again..
despite taking medicine.
her temperature still keep on raising..
bud glad that its not dengue..
baby, do take care of urself!

2009-04-08T13:11:00.002+08:00

Wait for you - Elliott Yamin

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you & I'm wishing that you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go? You could have let me know
So now I'm all alone, Girl you could have stayed but you wouldn't give me a chance
With you not around it's a little bit more than I can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?

So why does your pride make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you

It's been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You got me feeling crazy (crazy)
How can you walk away,
Everything stays the same
I just can't do it baby
What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is & it just ain't like that
Why can't you look at me,
you're still in love with me
Don't leave me crying.

Baby why can't we just, just start over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But your telling me it won't be enough

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you

So why does your pride make you run & hide
Are you that afriad of me?
But I know it's a lie what you're keeping inside
That is not how you want it to be

Baby I will wait for you
Baby I will wait for you
If it's the last thing I do

Baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you

I'll Be Waiting.

This song just suddenly came into my mind..
some parts are quite true..
i really wonder how my life would be without her..

2009-04-07T19:22:00.004+08:00

Right now i'm having my Over Time.
i'm supposed to be doing my stuff..
bud i have to write down my feelings..
its unbearable..
earlier on,
she talked to me on msn..
her temperature was 38 degree..
last night she already had slight fever,
bud subside after awhile..
tot she recover le..
bud i was wrong..
she is sick,
yet she has lots of work to do..
upon knowing she is sick..
how i wish i can be there to take care of her..
when she told me she is having fever again..
my heart aches lyk mad..
i'm so worried about her..
i so wanted to tell her..
not to force herself if she cant take it any more..
it hurts to see her lyk this..

praying that she will be alright..
praying that god will ease her suffering..
praying that i would rather be the one sick..
hoping that she will recover soon..
hoping that she will not stress herself over work..

2009-04-07T17:47:00.003+08:00

Am i thinking too much ?

something is not right?

i dun know is i sensitive or am i being over sensitive..

today everything doesn't feel right..

i duno whats wrong with me..

can some one give me an ans??

what is happening to me???

i just feel uneasy..

not in the mood for anything!

all i wan is her to be by my side..

why am i so tired lately??

i couldn't find that answer myself..

its nowhere to be found.

i do need a break..

i just need to rest before i can stand up and fight again..

in that instant moment,

i'm out of the stage,

too much for the spotlight.

"humans are mere players"

"life is a stage"

2009-04-06T13:37:00.004+08:00

In the morning,
i almost wun be able to wake up....
i could hardly breathe at all..
fighting for oxygen with both my mouth and my nose.
but the oxygen that i fight for is kinda limited.
having block nose and phelgm.
although i am tired and always wanted to sleep..
bud sleeping and not waking up forever is not wad i wan..
cause i still wants to be there for her.

after i cough lyk mad,
finally i got rid of those phelgm.
able to breathe a lil.

went to work and was feeling better,
able to breathe again..
however,
my eyes were heavy..
i was doing data entry..
yet at the same time..
i can doze off.

after i got a lil awake,
my mind starts to think of stuff ..
stuff which i shouldn't think about..

so i was wondering..
how good would it be if i'm on holiday now..
going to some island and stay at the resort alone..
lie on the beach filled with soft sand..
listen to the waves from sunset to sun rise.
enjoy the peace and quiet moments.
whereby i dun tink of any things..
thats when i block all stuffs that i shouldn't tink out of my mind..
or shouldi say..
everything out of my mind..
staring at things blankly.
keeps my mind blank too..

somehow i feel that,
no other guys can replace her ex in her heart.
he made a deep impact in her life.
thats y wadever she do,
it will always remind her of her ex..........
and that makes me wonder...

2009-04-06T00:00:00.000+08:00

I"M SORRY , GIRL!

2009-04-05T23:36:00.003+08:00

Friday.
i was looking forward to the end of work..
but i have been busy since morning..
so time actually passed quite fast..
after work,
i went home to get my stuff.
den went to look for her.
had dinner with her..
den i head to pasir ris le..
wanna thank her for accompanying me..

While i'm at the chalet,
i called kenneth,
he say he's at the arcade with marcus.
and told me that leon just reached too..
so i called leon and meet him first.
headed to E-hub..
the newly open enterainment center.
after we met up with kenneth and marcus,
we headed towards our chalet..
played cards and watched movies.
was on phone with her..
den after that played mahjong..
damn!
my first time,
i paid 20 bucks for mahjong lesson...
hahas.. which means i loss 20 bucks..

Sat.
played mahjong till around 11 plus..
den went kfc for breakfast..
den head back to chalet..
leon and i fell asleep..
after around 20-30 mins,
was kanna "fucked" by kenneth..
hahas..
den they start to play the "taupok game"
whereby its lyk stacking onto one another.
luckily i nv kana...
cause leon was beside me.
and they aim leon...

after which joy came and kelvin too..
kenneth headed for his monopoly contest and leon went out.
so the four of us were doing nth..
played mahjong for awhile...
den took the food out..
waited for them to come back..
den we start our bbq..
chester came..
the food was delicious..
den while waiting for leon to come back..
i fell asleep..
den when leon came back..
they were all trying to wake me up..
hahas.. which i dun wan..
bud in de end went cycling..
cycled for 4 hours..
from asir ris to loyang dua pek kong..
den head to changi beach..
den to changi aiport..
den make u- turn.
head back to chalet to return the bike.
which is the next morning 10.

sunday.
return the bike at 10.
bathed.
was supposed to go to AJC for their carnival..
to support her..
bud kenny dun allow me to go with them to plaza sing.
since kenneth have monoply contest too.
den i was sad..
i felt so bad..
msg her..
she was kinda fustrated..
den i fell asleep.
met her at 7 plus at bedok.
went back to yishun for dinner.
sent her home.

i was really very sad..
i've disappoint her..
which i din mean to...
i wanted to go and support her so badly.
bud i cant..
i knew she was expecting me to turn up.
bud in the end its that stalker who turn up, instead of me..
i kinda noe how she feel..
and when i was at the chalet.
some songs from my ipod were her songs with her ex.
was kinda sad too..
bud its normal for me to feel sad.
who wont feel sad.
den just now.
heard their song again..
kinda stare at my fries blankly.
was kinda down too..

bud my heart aches when i met up with her..
because i cant support her..
really felt bad..
when she was asleep while on the bus back to yishun..
my heart keep aching..
till now..
its still aching..
i'm really sorry..
i've disappoint her.
=(
when i was bathing..
i cant control my tears.
i feel so bad that i couldnt support her.
i misses her so much when i just met her..
my love for her is so deep.
that i'm scared of it..
she is really my everything...

whenever she said about her ex.
sometimes i wonder..
in her mind..
i guess its still about her ex.
even though she said she doesnt tink of him any more.
bud everything she does.
its those stuff which she did with her ex b4.
haix..
of course i will feel sad..
cause i'm so jealous..

2009-04-05T23:26:00.002+08:00

Waiting for you - Anson Hu

Jin Se De Wu Xie
ban Zhe Yin Yue
baby Ni De Yan Jing Shi Yi Wen Shen Sui De Hu Shui
er Hu Ming Hu Mie
yan Cang Bu Ke Si Yi De Mei
rang Wo Yun Xuan
zai Xuan Ya Bian
shu Zhi Yi Zheng Yan Jiu Bu Jian
waiting For You I'm Waiting For You
waiting For You Kiss Me At Tonight Wei He Ni Cinderella
liu Gei Wo Yi Wang Wu Ji De Si Nian

waiting For You I'm Waiting For You
waiting For You Come Here To My Dream
qian Zhe Ni Bu Duan Xuan Zhuan
yi Zhi Dao Hei Fa Bian Cheng Le Yin Xian
waiting For You Waiting For You
zhi Dao Yong Yuan

While i was at the chalet,
i was playing songs throughout the night with my Ipod,
i came across this song,
it describe my situation right now..

2009-04-02T14:20:00.003+08:00

OH MY GOD!!!
i've been working OT for the past few days..
so looking forward to the end of friday..
cause i will be the chalet after work!!!
Woohoo~
although i'm happy because of the chalet..
bud some how i'm sad..
cause i cant get to see her..
she will be going ECP for her cycling thingy..
and sunday her sch wil be celebrating their 25th anni..
and there will be something lyk a carnival going on in her sch.
after that, she have to go down bedok to see how the nationals train for some ball game..
so there goes our weekends =(

2009-04-01T08:04:00.003+08:00

Alright..
Emo time is OVER!!!
yay!!!
i'm not gonna think any more..
just treasure and enjoy what we have now =)
any way,
these few days have been real exhausted from work..
while waiting for her to finish her work,
i actually fell asleep on the sofa while watching tv.
OMG!!
this is okie..
BUT i actually fell asleep while on the phone with her!!!
double OMG!
there is one time i really fell asleep and couldnt wake up,
so i found myself with my phone beside my ear the next morning..
den these few days..
she would be talking to her mother for a short while..
and guess wad.
when she is back on the phone,
i actually fell asleep.
and i din know that i fell asleep..
cause in my mind..
i was lyk tinking that she is still talking to her mother..
that feeling is so real..
den in de end i found that she has hung up the phone..
and she called me on my mobile phone..
den i noe i actually fell asleep..
and the funny thing is that..
i would say stupid stuff..
which actually has no link to it!!
lyk she asked me wad name do my brother call me..
den i duno wad i said and suddenly talked about new year and something gotta do with price..
WTH!!!
and in de end she also talked nonsense..
you noe y?
cause she is on her bed..
and i know she is very very tired from her studies..
hahas..
couldn't stop laughing..

baby,
i'm so sorry that i fell asleep
and said some stupid stuff that makes u laugh lyk mad..
hahas..
love your laughter! =)
love the way it is!

loving this current relationship!

2009-03-31T11:12:00.003+08:00

Starting to lose my confidence~

started to lose my confidence on sunday,
after i met her.
i reached home,
i have a question in my mind,
at first i couldn't recall wad i wan to ask.
in de end i remembered.
any way thats not the main point.
the main point is suddenly i feel lyk seeing her ex's profile,
so i went to her friendster and link them.
after i see their photos,
i started thinking about her past,
thinking how much she love her ex and stuff..
i felt so jealous..
i envy him,
yet feel that he is stupid,
to actually give up on her..
if i were him,
i would still hold on tight.

den today,
i went to visit the guy who is interested in her..
if she happen to visit my blog,
i would refer that guy as "stalker"
she will roughly who am i refering to.

back to the main point,
i went to the guy's archive,
read the post where he actually went down to taka while she is working,
and i read what he posted.
suddenly i feel sad again..
i feel so inferior.
as though i dun worth her..
even though i noe she and that guy are just mere friends or wad ever..
i duno..
i still feel sad..
i just duno y..
right now,
i'm working,
busy typing all the datas,
yet i just couldn't stop thinking and thinking.

DAMN!
why is my mind always thinking of the wrong stuff.
i should be thinking of my work,
yet i think of all these negative stuffs.
past few days,
we were happy,
cause we din think of negative stuffs,
enjoying those moments,
i couldn't stop blaming myself if one day she happens to leave me,
i will never forgive myself..

baby,
i'm sorry...
i couldn't help but to think..
i just wanna let u know,
this is the first time,
i fear so much,
compared to my past,
this love is so deep,
soo deep that i'm scared by it.
so afraid of losing you..
cant image how much u mean to me..
cant image how much my love is for u..
cause its still getting deeper and..
deeper...

lost and insecure~
you found me,
you found me,
lying on the floor~
surrounded,
where were you,
where were you~

2009-03-27T11:45:00.003+08:00

looking forward to the end of work and weekends..
wanna noe y?
cause i get to see her!!
WOOHOO~

baby,
all i wanna say is,
dun think of those sad stuff anymore.
i just want u to be happy.
enjoy those moments that we spent.
Loves~

2009-03-26T20:03:00.003+08:00

*sigh*
these few days..
we have a lot of misunderstanding..
ytd, tot of going to her sch to fetch her..
however, i tot she will say there isn't a need for me to fetch her from sch..
so i board the train towards jurong..
while in the train.. i was hoping to receive her msg fast.
cause its just a few stops from Admiralty to Yew Tee.
but its was kinda late..
so i have no choice bud to go home..
after that talked on phone for awhile..
at first still okie..
out of a sudden,
she just feel irritated..
there is nothing i can do..
given her personality..
not matter wad i say.
it doesnt help to calm her down..
i felt so useless.
when she is feeling down,
i couldn't do anything..
i always wanted to be beside her.
so that whenever she is feeling down,
there is always a hug to make her feel better.
bud i always cant be there..
i'm so freaking useless...
when she is crying and stuff.
i actually fell asleep..
cause i was too tired from my work..
and i have to wake up early too..
in the end i leave her alone..

in the morning..
she asked me to look at my mail..
den i realised she wrote so many stuff..
telling me that when she needed me..
i went to lala land..
its not that i wan to go lala land..
i'm just too tired..
i hope u understand...
den she said she was disappointed cause i actually went home rather than fetching her from sch..
that was my mistake..
i should have gone there without asking..
y do i always make the wrong decision..
always disappoint her..
always make her sad..
den she began to say that she dun worth my love..
dun wan me to be with a girl lyk her..
i was very very sad..
so i wrote back a long note for her..
waiting for her to come online..
den we chatted on msn..
she said that she s a bad girl.
cause she is bad to others, lyk her ex.
den always go crazy.. thinking that in the end i will leave her because she is crazy..
thinking that i wil get tired of calming her from her craziness.
so i kinda get a lil irritated..
cause she keep looking down on herself.
den i said.. since she noe thats the reason y her ex broke up with her..
y dun u do something to that..
den she said she is already used to being lyk that.
she told me wad she did when she was young..
lyk bully kids and stuff..
mayb thats y she is lyk that?
i really duno wad to do..
so i keep teling her i'm having headache..
feel lyk banging the wall..
den she told me her heart ache..
so she went to rest..
wanting me to give her a wake up call..
hahas.. that pig!
gave her so many missed call oso cant wake her up..
in de end tell me she only received 2 missed call..
den she went to check..
found out that i actually called 30 + missed call..
hahas.. such a pig..
a pig that i love the most..

Baby,
i just wan u to know..
no matter how bad u are.
i will try my best to tolerate it..
give in to u.
compromise u.
but i have to say..
i do have my limits..
and i'm sorry that i leave u alone..
i do wish to be there to give u a hug..
to give u comfort..
and no matter wad..
i will never leave u..
we are going to walk through thick and thin together..
we are gonna share each others happiness and sadness.
we will make it !
we will eventually get together..
so never give up!
never say die!
our love for each other will only get stronger..

i love u, baby!
you mean a lot to me!
ur my everything....
just so afraid to lose u...

2009-03-25T07:47:00.004+08:00

did some soul-searching last night,
i realised all the while i was thinking of the wrong stuff.
she enlighten me..
and we've cleared every misunderstanding that could lead to a failed relationship.

However,
she told me that her ex talked to her..
and showed me some things that her ex said to her...
DAMN!!!
after reading..
i was boiling with anger
,he should learn to respect her..
and he shouldnt take me for the kind of guy lyk him..
cause im totally different from him,
and its an insult to me.
IF i were to see him,
Ha. i duno wad i will do to him..
wack him,

baby girl,
i'm sorry that i disappoint u..
i just dun have confidence in me..
i just duno wad am i thinking..
wads wrong with my mind..
keep thinking of the wrong stuff..
any way,
thanks for enlightening me.
NOTHING CAN STAND IN OUR WAY!!!
NOTHING CAN BREAK US APART!!!
WE ARE MEANT TO BE TGT !!!
*ROAR*

ps; girl, dui bu qi, wo ai ni!

2009-03-24T16:36:00.003+08:00

Yay!!
No training today,
can go home early...
Alright, right now i'm working yet i'm blogging..
slack right..
muahahas XD
so looking forward to go home.
cause she end sch early..
however she is going back sch to help her friend to assist on Cheerleading..
so will be at home waiting for her~

early in the morning,
was shocked to receive her good morning msg.
cause most of the time is i start msging her in the morning while on the way to work.
i know she have been reading my blog.
cause she told me about it.
den she told me not to be afraid of losing her.
trying to give me assurance.
i do feel better after wad she said,
bud this is just the beginning,
the real challenge is coming soon,
will we survive?
i firmly believe , we will!
nothing can stand in our way!!!
*ROAR*

2009-03-23T20:52:00.003+08:00

all of a sudden,
i'm not in the mood for anything,
wad exactly am i expecting?
i actually mistaken her words.
B online..
i still tot it was calling me..
bud it means be online..
not calling me..
a sudden of saddness took over me.
aches took over my heart.

my world seems to be engulf by the dark clouds.
the sun is no where to be seen.
rain drops began to hit my body.
trying to ease the aches.

i noe i shouldnt expect more.
however i just cant help it.

ur part of my life.
u took over my mind.
i'm lyk an emtpy shell when im doing other stuff.
a day without contacting hermuch.
makes me feel so uneasy.
i really really miss her so much.
that kind of misses, i have nv experience before.
this kind of love, so deep..
right now, i'm still falling,
this kind of fall,
nv had it before..
she is the one~
the one that i'm searching for all along.
always wanted to ask her that question,
bud i noe wad her ans will be....
still waiting~

2009-03-22T15:09:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, she hurt my pride.
i was sad.. very very sad.
though i may make it sound lyk its de end of us.
thats because i feel inferior.
den she was in bad mood.
cause i tink she had quarrel with her family.
so went to look for her.
sent her home at 8 plus.
after seeing her to the lift.
i was on my way to MRT station,
i began to miss her.
those kisses, those hugs.
those were the moments that i treasure.
her smile was nv fails to brighten my day.

reached home, chat with her.
i noe she had to do work.
so i accompanied her till her finished her work.
when she completed her work.
i knew she gonna fall asleep.
so we hung up.
after that i went to bed.

when im in bed, i tot of wad happened,
the pride that she hurt.
those words that she said,
i know she was just joking,
bud it hurts deeply,
when i tink about it,
my heart was aching lyk it has been pierce through.
den tears start to roll down my cheeks.
a lot of thinking is going through in my mind.
sometimes i wonder, did she behave the same way when she was with other guys in the past?
i just love her so much,
that im so afraid of losing her.
bud she gonna get busy with her studies soon,
the chances of us meeting is much lower.
im so afraid that feelings may fade during that period of time.
when she said that she dun wan me to want her.
i really duno wad she is tinking.
keep looking down on herself.
all i wan was to be her boy.
all i wan was her to be mrs goh.
i noe she cant commit.
i understand it.
im just so afraid....

2009-03-17T08:19:00.006+08:00

231108 was the day we first met.
we knew each other from work.

after that day, i start to contact her.
as each day past, i began to fall in love with her.

theres one time where i went shopping at town,
i noe she is working at taka at that point of time,
was confused.
keep asking myself, should i or should i not.
cause i duno how she felt about me.
bud in de end i still went to look for her =)
im so contented just to see her.

after awhile, just before valentine,
she came to my house to visit my dog.
den in de end she told me she came to my house
because she couldnt meet me on the actual valentine's day.
was so happy bud sad cause i had to go for my driving lesson.
so she been there for around an hour or so.
felt so bad that i couldn't sent her home =(

the day after valentine.
its a sunday, a day which i work.
and surprisingly, i saw a friend of mine shopping.
so was chatting den i saw a girl came in.
look so familiar.
its was her!
i went to talk to her.
she gave me a valentine's day card which she made by herself.
OMG! i'm so touched.
so i ask another promoter to look after the counter.
den i went to walk walk with her.
she was trying to buy a clock for her sis as her sis requested her to look for a nice clock.
and she was also shopping for valentine's day gifts for her friends.
after awhile i had to go back to work.
den she went to her grandma house.

after a few weeks, we met up on weekends.
she was feeling down and felt lyk eating her fav.
so i accompanied her.
was happy to see her again.

another few weeks later, went to her house on sunday.
to visit her dog. SNOWY!!
her dog was very cute and active, unlike mine.
went home after that.

another saturday, my friends wanted to go yishun.
so i followed, when we are at yishun, they wanted to go clementi to play lan,
so i din follow.
while walking to mrt station, i was msging with her.
she is studying at GV's burger king.
so was trying to decide whether to go look for her cause she is studying and she is with her friend.
so i stood outside the control station waiting for her msg.
cause i noe i do wan to see her.
in de end i did.
after she finished studying, sent her home.
den i rushed home to change den went to club with my lion dance mates.
i was so unlucky that day, cause my phone went flat before i could meet my mates.
luckily i went to the control station to wait.
saw one of my mates.
bud i was sad, cause i cant msg her
after clubbing, i sent her a msg.
and surprisingly, she was not asleep yet.
cause she fell asleep earlier.
so she decided to stay up and do her work.
den i proceed to one of my mates house to play mahjong,
guess wad..
in de end i cant take it and i fell asleep.

last saturday, 140309
went to watch movie with her.
we watched Coming Soon,
held her hands to make her feel warm.
so that she wun be scare.
in de end i feel the movie sucks.
not scary at all. the storyline sucks.
den i sent her home.
while on the way to her house, saw her sis.
we were holding hands.
uh oh~ tot her sis is going to ask her many many questions.
bud her sis din.

the next day, went to meet her again.
went to her house play with her dogs.
den went home .

we just behave lyk a couple,
bud i noe she is not ready to get into a relationship,
commitment is the key factor.
she doesnt have the time.
i dun mind about it.
i just noe we are meant for each other.
no matter we are couple in name or not.
thats not a matter to me any more.
she may sounds/ treat me bad,
bud i noe she is just joking.
bud sometimes will feel sad because the joke isnt funny.
however, its okie.
i compromise her.
isnt that wad leads to a successful relationship?
hahas..
i miss her sho much!
loves being with her =)